


Expectations

by imadra_blue



Category: Jurassic Park (Movies), Jurassic Park III (2001)
Genre: Canon - Movie, Character Study, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Post-Canon, Romance, Slice of Life, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 09:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3805963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imadra_blue/pseuds/imadra_blue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Survive an island or two filled with man-eating dinosaurs, and see if your expectations don't change when you get home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Expectations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SadieFlood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadieFlood/gifts).



> Hope you enjoy, SadieFlood! Never thought I'd be writing Jurassic Park fic in my life, but it was a fun little experiment. :) Many, many thanks to [emotionalmorphine](http://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionalmorphine) and [marmolita](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marmolita) for their quick beta reading and advice!

…

Billy sat in his hospital bed, stirring his pudding. His hospital gown had slipped down one heavily bandaged shoulder. The television bolted into the wall was broadcasting a special news report describing the miraculous rescue of Eric Kirby by his parents, yet Billy stared at the pudding, not the television. The expression on his face suggested the pudding had done him some irreparable harm.

"You're looking well," Alan said. He held his hat in hand, drumming his fingers over the brim.

Billy sat up abruptly, wincing a bit. Despite his bandages, he had a good color, and his smile seemed bright enough. There would be scars, there always were, but not where it mattered. "Dr. Grant! You came."

The statement sat poorly with Alan. After what they had been through, why would Billy think he wouldn't visit? "It certainly appears so, doesn't it?" Alan replied. The pudding looked remarkably institutional, and its grayish color did not evoke any particular flavor worth mentioning.

"I'm glad you came," Billy said. "I thought you might still be mad at me."

Alan studied Billy. He looked remarkably like a puppy sometimes, always eager to please. It made Alan want to pet him, but he resisted the urge as much as he had since meeting Billy in his first year of graduate school. "You did a profoundly stupid and selfish thing. But then you did something remarkably noble and selfless. I'm not sure either cancels out the other, but it doesn't matter. You were forgiven minutes after I chastised you. I would have thought that would be obvious."

Billy chuckled. "No chance of my ego inflating in your presence."

"Mm. Well, you look well enough. I expect a detailed observation paper of Isla Sorna from you within the next two weeks. You can use that for the basis of your dissertation."

Billy stirred at his pudding cup again, looking wan. "Of course."

Alan squeezed the shoulder not covered in bandages. As he turned to leave, Billy took his hand.

"Dr. Grant, I…" Billy swallowed, threading his fingers through Alan's. "I wanted to tell you—I've always wanted to tell you…" He glanced up, green eyes washed out by the hospital's fluorescent lighting.

"You don't have to say it, Billy." Alan slipped his hand free. "I already know."

Billy's expression fell and he dropped his hand back on his bed. "Oh."

"That wasn't a rejection," Alan explained. Before Billy could recover enough to speak, he left, as was his way. He had done the same to Ellie. Never rejecting her, but never giving her what she wanted. She had moved on, and she was happier now without him. Just as Alan expected Billy would. He had never been good with other people's expectations.

Alan always had been more comfortable with the dead than the living.

...

Without any money from the Kirbys and still unable to secure a grant, Alan had to close his dig sites. Somehow, it seemed less important after Isla Sorna. Ellie used her considerable charm and connections to find him a job at Yale. It even offered tenure. Isla Sorna had taught him when to take a hint, so he accepted the job and moved into a large apartment in New Haven.

Alan wasn't immediately surprised when Yale demanded he return to the lecture circuit. He was a big draw again after the Kirby incident, and they wanted a book out of him. After twice being trapped on an island filled with man-eating dinosaurs, he certainly had more than enough observational research to write such a book. And it gave him time to nurse his new scars. He didn't know if he would ever return to digging. The fact that he no longer particularly cared suggested he might not.

The nightmares he waited for at night never came, not this time. Though Isla Sorna had terrified him as much as Isla Nublar, the terror did not linger—and it took the old terror with it, somehow. He wondered if it were evolution at work, that perhaps he had adapted to dealing with creatures that nature never originally intended to meet his species in the flesh. Or maybe it was that he understood dinosaurs better now, and that understanding helped him sleep the night through in ways he hadn't since Isla Nublar. They weren't monsters; they were just animals. Endangered ones, at that.

After spending a semester recuperating at his family's home, Billy got into Yale on Alan's recommendation—but not into the Paleontology program. He changed his graduate degree to Environmental Science. Dinosaurs featured as secondary concerns in his dissertation proposal. Billy's interests had shifted to conservation of land resources for endangered species. Alan declined to sit on his committee, but Billy still sent him relevant bits and pieces of his research anyways. Alan offered his comments, as he always did. They ate lunch together every day at whatever café was least crowded on campus. Sometimes they didn't even talk. But seeing Billy walking around, his scars fading every day, gave Alan peace. Remembering Billy was no longer his student made all those times they walked too close or when their hands brushed together far less awkward.

Every time Alan finished a chapter of his new book, he sent a copy to two people: Ellie and Billy. The only two people that mattered to him.

…

These days, the conferences Alan and Billy attended were quite different. But when Alan arrived at his hotel in Orlando for an interdisciplinary conference on endangered animals, he found Billy in the lobby, waiting for him on a plush couch.

"My roommate backed out of the conference last minute," Billy explained, closing his book on conservation efforts in the Caribbean. "I had to cancel my reservation. I saw your name on the Guests of Honor list. Don't suppose I could room with you?"

"I only have one bed in my room," Alan said, not meeting Billy's gaze. He felt hot and flustered already, as if he were some sort of teenager all over again. It had been too long since he had been with anyone.

Billy shrugged with one shoulder. "It's not a problem for me if it's not for you." His gaze was smoky and lingered over Alan.

"It's not a problem," Alan said, his palms sweating as he led Billy to the elevators.

…

"We're missing the welcome banquet," Billy said, running his hand over Alan's back, fingers skimming over his spine.

"So we are," Alan rumbled, lying comfortably on his stomach, enjoying the touch. Billy had turned the air conditioner down too low, but the cold air on his bare skin contrasted nicely with the warmed bedsheets and Billy pressed against him. Their evening had progressed in a surprisingly natural fashion. Alan had expected the sex to be more awkward, more hesitant, after all the years they had spent together without commenting on their obvious desires. But Billy had shown no hesitance. Hesitance was not Billy's style. He just snapped his straps tight and parasailed into every situation without considering the consequences. Once again, he dragged Alan along for the ride. This time, however, Alan considerably enjoyed the ride.

"Oh, well," Billy said with a sigh. "I'm sure the food would have been average."

"We can order room service, if you're hungry. Or rather, you can. I'm too old to be getting up again today after what you just put me through."

Billy laughed and kissed the back of Alan's neck. "Liar. You're in better shape than I am." Alan really couldn't deny it. The pterandon attacks had extracted a toll from Billy's health, while Alan still pushed himself to be in top physical condition. But Billy was still beautiful—no number of scars could take that from him.

Alan exhaled. "Shouldn't you be off chasing other doctoral students your own age?"

"Shouldn't you be married to Ellie Sattler?"

"Well played. And point taken."

"Good. Can I order a big dinner? I'm starved."

Alan lifted his head to study Billy. He had nestled back amongst the pillows, his green eyes near gold in the waning afternoon sunlight. "Are you taking advantage of me for my room service?"

"No. It's mostly for the free sex." Billy smiled, crinkling up a small scar on the side of his mouth. "Dinner is just a bonus."

"Order what you like, then." Alan sighed, wondering how long this would last before Billy expected more of him than he could give.

…

The next day, after his keynote luncheons and speeches, Alan sat through Billy's panel. Billy didn't set the room on fire like the energetic girl sitting next to him. She fiercely lectured about the effects of industrial contaminants from Isla Nublar and Isla Sorna, her passion for her topic infectious. Ellie would have loved her. Billy's work was more than adequate, but he still lacked a real argument to rally behind. The only questions he received were about his experiences on Isla Sorna. Billy answered every single one truthfully, but his lack of sensationalism cost him all interest.

After his panel concluded, Alan took him out to Downtown Disney. They found a Cuban restaurant called Bongo's that appealed to both of them. Amidst pictures of Gloria Estefan and bar stools in the shape of painted drums, they found a quiet booth. Billy ordered a huge appetizer combo of fried food to share, but ate most of it and a plate of arroz con pollo. Alan was satisfied with a simple Cuban sandwich.

"Why aren't you in paleontology anymore?" Alan asked halfway through the meal. "You did good work, you know."

Billy set down his fork. "When I wasn't stealing velociraptor eggs, you mean?"

"No, that's not what I mean."

Billy sighed and eyed his half-eaten plate. "Sorry. I just... I need to understand how dinosaurs can live in the same world we do now. The ways we can make the world safer for all of us. They've changed our environment. We've changed theirs. Isla Nublar taught me that this is bigger than them. Than us. They're part of our world now, like it or not. And now we're part of theirs. They attack us because they're animals that are hunting and protecting themselves. We hunt things just because we can. It's not like we can claim moral superiority. I just want us to deal with the consequences of their reemergence the right way. And I don't think the new company that bought the islands is capable of that."

Alan took a sip of his beer. "You should have said that in your presentation. You'd have gotten more attention."

"I'll keep it in mind for next time." Billy's eyes a dark green in the booth's weak lighting. "Speaking of a next time, I... wanted to ask about when we return to Yale..."

Alan frowned, hearing expectation in Billy's voice. "What about it?"

"Can this continue?" Billy asked with no hesitance, as was his fashion, his expression open. Again, he resembled the proverbial puppy. Alan sighed.

It turned out he had a weakness for dogs.

...

After their return to Connecticut, Billy's regular visits to Alan's apartment soon led to him leaving things there, such as his toothbrush, changes of clothes, and the flowery-smelling shampoo he insisted on using. By the end of the next semester, Billy simply asked to move in. He didn't ask for anything else, and he had asked for little other than some of Alan's time and space. Even with the final stages of his book and all the papers he had to grade, both Alan's time and space felt empty without Billy around, so he instantly agreed.

Alan hadn't lived with anyone else since he was a child. But one of the great joys of co-habiting was coming home after a full day of lecturing and counseling students to find Billy on the couch, laptop on the coffee table, working on his own dissertation. Frequently, there was take-out dinner, a movie, and a few beers waiting for Alan. The pleasant company in bed was icing on the cake. Without Billy, Alan might never have settled so neatly into life as a man who no longer dug up dinosaur bones.

It sometimes troubled Alan that Billy never seemed to ask more of him, never questioned him about feelings or the future. Billy seemed happy enough with what little he had to give. When Alan wanted to discuss something, Billy always engaged with him, even if he was busy with his own things. They bounced ideas off of each other, discussed their research, sat curled up together on the couch while reading, made love most nights, and shared their meals together. Did Billy not have any expectations? Would this somehow blow up in Alan's face? As content as he was, he couldn't help think it would go wrong somehow. Things always went wrong with him. His entire life provided examples of this, with his trips to Isla Nublar and Isla Sorna as the most dramatic ones. Even as he finished his book, Alan's concerns about his relationship with Billy weighed on him.

Once he got a publication date, Alan went out to dinner with Ellie to celebrate. Billy had opted to stay home and read a new report about the sightings of dinosaurs and prehistoric plants appearing outside Isla Nublar and Isla Sorna. Alan wondered if it was because of his past with Ellie, but he didn't press the issue. Ellie took him to some fancy place in New York with quiet music and waiters in pressed suits. She looked fantastic in a smart blue dress. Alan only wished Billy was there, perhaps wearing his only suit with his ratty tennis shoes, as was his style.

"You seem distracted, Alan. Is everything all right?" Ellie asked him as he cut into his steak.

Alan frowned. "I... why would you think it wasn't?"

"It's difficult to tell with you, sometimes." Ellie took a bite of her pasta. "Tell me, how long has Billy been living with you now?"

Alan cleared his throat. He had never exactly told Ellie that he found men as attractive as women, nor had he told her about his relationship with Billy. Yet, she seemed to know anyway. He wondered if she spied on him. He couldn't put it past her. With all of Ellie's connections, a spy network didn't seem all that unbelievable. "Almost a year now."

"Wow, Alan. You've finally settled down."

"Have I? I don't know how long it will last. Eventually he'll have expectations of me. And I will inevitably fail them. And then he'll leave. Like you did."

Ellie started laughing. She put her fork down and started wiping her face with her napkin. Alan waited for her to finish, scowling. What she found so funny, he couldn't imagine. He had just bared his heart, and she was laughing so hard she had to gasp for air.

"Oh, Alan." Ellie took a breath and snickered once again before composing herself. "Alan, I didn't leave you because you failed to live up to my expectations. I left because what I wanted and what you wanted were different. And I left because I fell in love with someone else. You are very dear to me, you know that, but I never expected anything serious from you. Did you think this whole time it was about failed expectations?"

Alan gulped down some of his wine. It was overly sweet for him. He missed beer already. Billy always remembered his favorite kind. He sighed. "Relationships come with expectations. That's what I thought."

Ellie shrugged and leaned back in her chair. "Life comes with expectations, Alan. You are such a babe in the woods sometimes. Has Billy asked for anything you've not wanted to give?"

"Well, no."

"And are you happy? Do you want it to end?"

"No, of course not. I mean, yes, I'm perfectly happy with… him."

"Listen, Alan, people do expect things from each other. But if you're happy, and presumably Billy is happy, that means you're already both living up to those expectations. Relationships don't come in a box. Each one is different, and they change naturally over time. But relationship expectations aren't supposed to change you. Those are the sort of relationships that never last. I don't know why you ever thought I expected things from you that you didn't want to give."

Alan worked his jaw. "I thought maybe it was about children, or marriage, or wanting to move in."

"I never asked you for any of those things."

"I just thought you didn't say so."

Ellie leaned forward and took his hand, her blue eyes warm and a smile still on her lips. "Alan, I'm not you. If I want something, I say so. I asked Mark to marry me, you know, not the other way around. But you and I are still friends because all I ever expected from you was friendship and intellectual stimulation. You have and still do give me both."

Alan smiled. "Oh. Well, good then. I feel the same about you, Ellie." He squeezed her hand, then let go to return to his steak so he could hurry up and return home to Billy.

...

Billy woke when Alan came in, yawning as he sat up. He flipped on a lamp and smiled at Alan. His brown hair was sleep-tousled, and the bedsheets had slipped down to pool down at his waist, creating a very enticing picture. "Hey. Enjoy dinner with Dr. Degler?"

Alan grunted and started stripping off his boots. "The wine was too sweet, but the steak was good. And Ellie laughed at me."

"Nothing ever entirely pleases you." Billy laughed and motioned Alan to the bed. "C'mon, I need someone to keep me warm while I sleep."

"You could just turn the air conditioner off."

"Don't be absurd. Why would I do something sensible like that? I'd rather be cold and have someone warm beside me."

Alan stripped to his underwear and sat on the bed. He brushed a stray lock of hair from Billy's smooth face. "I... have a question."

Billy blinked at him as he lowered himself onto the pillows. "So ask it."

"It's about us. What we have now. It's okay?"

"What are you asking?" Billy blinked. "It's not okay for you?"

"No, that's not what I mean. I mean, you're… happy? You don't have any... other expectations?"

Billy's gaze seemed serious, his green eyes seeming brown under the lamplight. "I'm happy, Alan. Very happy. What about you?"

Alan smiled, feeling as if a weight had been removed off his chest, and lay down next to Billy. He put his arms behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. "I'm perfectly content. I don't want anything to change. I'm just used to things going wrong."

Billy flipped off the light and snuggled up against Alan, resting a head on his shoulder. "You don't have to worry. I'm not going to go wrong. I promise," he whispered in Alan's ear.

Alan exhaled. "I'll hold you to that promise."

"Mm." Billy's voice sounded muffled. "I do have one other expectation I should confess, though."

"You do?"

"In the morning, I fully expect to have a famous paleontologist take a shower with me. Maybe even wash my back for me."

Alan chuckled and put an arm around Billy's shoulders, warmed through despite the cold air. "So long as Jack Horner doesn't show up tomorrow morning unexpectedly, I'll see what I can do."

Billy chuckled, but he soon fell silent and his breathing evened out. Alan envied his ability to drift right off to sleep.

"Good night, Billy," Alan murmured and brushed his lips over Billy's forehead before settling down to sleep himself.

.

_End._


End file.
